


The Five Times Fox Mulder Didn’t Tell Dana Scully He Loved Her (and the One Time He Did)

by chezamanda



Category: The X-Files, The X-Files: Fight the Future (1998)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst and Feels, Coda, Episode Related, Episode: s02e08 One Breath, Episode: s03e17 Pusher, Episode: s04e14 Memento Mori, Episode: s05e02 Redux II, Episode: s06e03 Triangle, F/M, Friendship/Love, Love, Love Confessions, Mentions of Cancer, Movie: Fight The Future, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chezamanda/pseuds/chezamanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The words are on the tip of his tongue, but they just won’t come.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Times Fox Mulder Didn’t Tell Dana Scully He Loved Her (and the One Time He Did)

**Author's Note:**

> My first posted XF fic in fifteen years *gasp*. The other one is over on Gossamer still. I'm a lifer in this fandom, and these two still make my little shipper heart go all fluttery. 
> 
> Thanks to Pamela and Jen for checking it out for me.
> 
> The order goes as follows:  
> 1\. 2x08 "One Breath  
> 2\. 3x17 "Pusher"  
> 3\. 4x14 "Memento Mori"  
> 4\. 5x02 "Redux II"  
> 5\. Fight the Future  
> 6\. 6x03 "Triangle"

1.  
She's lying in a hospital bed - not hooked up to machines or lingering between life and death like she was hours before - she's alive and she's awake. Golden light filters in through the windows, and he's sure it has to be a sign from the god he had long since abandoned but that she still believes in.

"Not 'Fox,' mom. Mulder," she corrects her mother and turns to look at him. 

She smiles at him and he knows right then and there that he could never love a woman any more than he loves her. He hates that it took her nearly dying to make him realize it, but he can't change that now. Her mother and sister look on as they exchange words, he gives her that tape and makes her laugh. He missed her laugh, her smile, _her._

Mulder wants to tell her that he loves her when she echoes his words back to him. _I had the strength of your beliefs._ Instead, he tucks it away and leaves her to be with her family. He has her back, and that's enough for now. 

 

2.  
Scully refuses to allow Mulder to be alone after they leave Modell’s hospital room. He sits in the passenger seat, consumed by his thoughts. If the bullet had chambered around sooner… if Scully hadn’t pulled the fire alarm and broken Modell’s hold on his mind... He fixates on the second thought because he knows he can’t live without her. Not after everything they’ve been through. Being responsible for her death would be worse than dying himself, of that he is certain. 

They go to her apartment - his suggestion - because his own is just a little too reminiscent of Modell’s place. She lets him take the first shower and orders Chinese from a place around the corner from her building. He’s been keeping clothes at her place for a few months now; it’s just more practical, and they never know when he might end up there to hide out from covert government agencies or the occasional liver-eating monster (admittedly, that isn’t a problem anymore). His body feels numb, going through the motions as he tries to wash off the very long day. He focuses on the smell of her soap; its clean, faintly sweet scent triggers an image of Scully in his mind. It’s one of the many things hardwired into his brain that he associates with his partner who is very much alive and probably hoping he isn’t using up all of her hot water. He rinses off and gets out of the shower.

Once he changes into the well-worn t-shirt and sweatpants she keeps in the top right dresser drawer, he joins her in the living room. She tells him to tuck into dinner while she gets a shower. He doesn’t feel like eating, but he does it anyway because he knows she’d make that concerned face and lecture him about low blood sugar or getting a headache from not eating. There’s a bad TV movie on about a Pennsylvania family with a sinister black form in their duplex. He reminds himself to look into the real life story that it claims to be based on.

“Save me anything?” she teases when she comes back in, a white towel wrapped around her hair.

He chuckles, but he’s too tired to say anything witty in response. They settle in together on her floor, cross-legged in their pyjamas like a couple of kids having a sleepover. There isn’t any distance between their bodies, and it feels comfortable and good. She doesn’t ask him to talk even though he knows it’s better for him if he does. 

“Hey, Scully?” he says after a few long moments.

She swallows the bite of food in her mouth. “Yeah?”

“I…” he falters. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but they just won’t come. “I need some more water, can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you.”

He holds her gaze for a moment before getting up to refill his glass. 

 

3.  
It’s a Sunday night, not long after Penny Northern’s death, when Mulder gets a call from Scully. She had taken some much needed personal time and visited with family. They had kept in touch, but he wanted to give her some space. 

“Hey, stranger,” he says, smiling just at the sound of her voice.

“Hey.” She sounds happy, as happy as he assumes anyone can be in her situation. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“I thought you had another week off.”

“I’ve had enough time to myself, Mulder,” she says. “I can’t sit around my apartment feeling sorry for myself. I want to be back at work with you.”

 _With you._ The words echo in his head. He chides himself for projecting more meaning on them than she likely had intended. Still, his gut tightens at the statement. 

“It’ll be nice to have someone else around again,” he tells her, trying to play it cool. 

She laughs quietly on the other end of the line. “I’m sure you kept yourself occupied with your little movie collection that I don’t know about.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he deadpans. 

It makes her laugh again, and god, he really missed that sound. He misses her whenever they are apart, and it’s quickly becoming a problem that he knows he will have to eventually deal with. Every time he thinks she’s safe, something comes along and tries to pry her away from him. He’s sure that he is the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, and yet, she wants to stick by his side.

“I’m going to get some sleep,” she says. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He stops himself before his mouth gets ahead of him and tells her that he loves her. Loves her more than anything, in fact. “See you.”

He sets the phone back in its cradle and exhales, leaning his head back against the wall. 

 

4.  
Mulder watches the Scully family and Skinner leave before slipping back into the room. She gives him a tired smile and pats the side of her hospital bed. As he moves over to her, he thinks about how close he was to losing her again. He wants to pinch himself because this can’t possibly be real, but she’s there in his arms again, and her doctors can’t find any trace of her cancer. Her comforting presence momentarily pushes away what Skinner had told him in the hallway, and he counts his blessings because at least one good very good thing happened today.

He listens to the electronic beat of her heart and her even, quiet breaths and rests his head beside hers on the pillow. Visiting hours will be over soon, so he tries to enjoy this peaceful moment as much as he can.

“Your brother still hates me,” he says softly, and she laughs.

“Yeah, but I don’t.”

Scully turns to face him and reaches up, stroking the hair away from his forehead. His chest hurts just looking at her, and if he weren’t such a coward he would just tell her how he feels. Instead, he turns his head just as her hand comes back down and presses a kiss to the center of her palm. Her eyes are tried and watery from her ordeal, but she smiles again. He knows he can’t protect her from everything, and she probably wouldn’t let him if he tried, but he vows to do all he can to ensure her safety. It’s the least he can do for the woman he loves.

 

5.  
He almost said it in the hallway. Right before he held her. Right before he tried to kiss her, but then things went out of control. 

He almost said it when he brought her back to consciousness in the spaceship while incubation pods exploded all around them and the ship prepared to fly out of its icy grave. But they had to get out.

Now here they are, still together even though it feels like the world is constantly trying to keep them apart. _If I quit now, they win._ Her hand is small and soft in his, her face is blemished where the cold had bitten her delicate skin, but she’s as resilient as ever. Determined to see it through with him and to stand by him even though he has put her through more hell than he could ever imagine. And god, he loves her for that. 

 

6.  
"Hey, Scully?"

He knows he has to say it. Maybe he finally hit his quota of near-death-experiences or maybe it's the _awesome_ painkillers floating in his system, but he knows what he has to do. 

"Yes?" she asks, leaning in just a little.

"... I love you."

Scully sighs and half-rolls her eyes in that way he's seen a thousand times. "Oh, brother." 

Not exactly what he had expected, and somehow, it seems fitting to have her answer with exasperation. How much trouble has he caused her over the past six years? How many times had she saved his ass from certain death? Here he is telling her he loves her after obtaining a head injury and talking about seeing a 1939 version of her on a ghost ship. Of course she thinks he’s out of his mind. Ever the skeptic.

He watches her walk back out of his room, and rests a little easier knowing that it’s out in the open now. The strangely dull, hollow feeling in his cheek brings back his last moments on the Queen Anne with the other Scully. Just as beautiful as his Scully and just as resolute. He smiles to himself and wonders if his Scully has the same right hook.


End file.
